I’m all for details, but WTF?!

As a big fan of Game of Thrones I find my self in awe of some of the armour that’s been displayed on the show. Some of which is less than practical as in the case of The Lord of Bones and even the Hound’s helmet. I’ve brought up the necessary balance between detail and practicality and form over function before and to his credit the late Ned Stark even made reference to it in the show. He made this reference while admiring jamie Lanister’s armour stating that “it’s very pretty. Not a scratch on it’. While that maybe true of Ser Jamie’s armour I genuinely believe that not quite enough ridicule has been directed where it should be. With that in mind I speak the following words to Ser Loras Tyrel…..What the fuck?!?!?!?

Outside of this armour, which was first displayed in a jousting match against the mountain, Ser Gregor Cligane for King Robert barathian’s amusement, being ridiculously over kill for a man his size in that the triple plating overlaps offering a grand total of zero mobility. This armour is so far beyond ornate it’s laughable. From the triple gorget which is wrapped in hand forged Tyrell rose vines to the tripled up spaulder falls which collapse one atop the next which are also littered in Tyrell rose vines this thing is a shiny and for some reason nickel plated mess.
The helmet in particular is absolutely appalling. The narrow split eye sockets are surrounded  by carvings and a mess or more aptly a rat’s nest of, again ,Tyrell rose vines. This helmet offers no visibility to speak of and if you look at the shark pitch from the breach guard to the chin, this helmet hooks back leaving it very…VERY close to the face meaning it offers zero protection against a hit to the face. The rose vine wrapped spire at the top of this helmet serves no purpose other than to add weight to an already combersome and impractically dangerous suit of armour.
Personally, I find this entire concept to be rather offensive. I understand that the character of Ser Loras Tyrell is meant to be a “sword swallower through and through” as his grandmother states in the show but I think representing his sexual orientation by designing such an effeminate and needlessly decorated suit of armour is intentionally insulting. If anything given the fact that the character is gay should really take a back seat to the fact that he is renowned throughout the seven kingdoms as one of the greatest warriors in history and the protector of the Tyrel house. A warrior of such acclaim would never risk his life for the sake of this needless fashion over protection.
All in all, this armour is a fail for me. This is the best and certainly the most public example of ludicrous form over function. What do you guys think?
I promise no spoilers but leading up to the new season i will be critiquing a new suit of armour from Game of Thrones every week. If there are any in particular that you’d like to see me tear apart don’t hesitate to bring it up.




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